Every child on the spectrum is looking for their zone; that space where the vibration/energy of calm exists. Even as the disorder and the chaos of changing energies impacts their life, they are seeking out that space of calm like a radar beacon. They are looking for something which brings calm and ease to their mind, their senses and to their body.
It is different for each child and adult, and can range from an individual picture, a picture book, a game (particularly a computer game), a video or movie, music. I know of young adults who find it in the white noise of electrical goods (the refrigerator or computer or out in the streets with power lines, although I would prefer to see something else chosen), the TV or radio being on, hearing a certain song. It may be a game that they go into that world and imagine themselves in it, to shut out the rest of the world. I also know others who like heavy metal music or electronic music, either of which has a particular resonance or vibration which they find a level of comfort and stability in.
When they find whatever the thing is which provides their space of calm it gives them the ability to enter their own Inner world and shut out the Outer World. They can retreat to regather, , recharge, refocus, recentre or ground themselves. It is there space where they can reboot themselves and clear out all the junk they have accumulated from others.
Finding a few different things that work which can be used in a variety of situations is advantageous.
I have heard of one example where a child liked a particular ad in the paper which generally appeared on a certain page in a certain position. When it didn’t appear in one issue, the world toppled. When I heard this, it reminded me of the film “50 First Dates”, where the same day with the same newspaper was retrieved and replayed every day. And what on earth was going to happen if there were more days when that ad did not appear for that child’s space of calm?
In my own life in mother groups, I had observed other babies and toddlers with a cuddle rug which was torn, tatty and often dirty, and major tantrums resulted from any effort to extricate that piece of comfort to wash it, or what mothers had to go through should it be mislaid or lost. I thought – well what would I do? My solution was to get a pair of pillow cases with the reasoning that then they could at least be cycled through use and a good wash! And thus my versions of a cuddle rug began.
You know how parenting is very much a trial and error thing and with a child on the spectrum it is often baffling and bewildering because you don’t know what creates the change and influence in their world. All you see if the effect. We can become accustomed to that transition from milk to solids and the introducing of new foods almost one at a time to see if there are any reactions to any food type. But when the world is changed through the senses dynamically and instantly and there is little ability to see what has created that change and even less – their ability to communicate with you, then it is all incredibly frustrating and at times it can feel utterly hopeless.
It is incredibly difficult if the baby is very young and incredibly sensitive to its surroundings, or you are new to a diagnosis and the world is all a bit bewildering – who do you listen to, how do I cope with all this?
But does anyone else know your child like you know your child?
With little ones it takes a lot of awareness to start to make sense of what is going on in their world. So when they “act/react” you can start to notice:
- Where were you?
- What could their eyes have fixed on?
- What could they be hearing, smelling, sensing?
- How do they act/react? (Triggered)
- What was your action/reaction (Response)?
Keep you calm is part is part of the recovery. So, what did you use to calm you and your child?
For each scenario the answers may be quite different, but through maintaining a journal of “events”, you may start to recognise patterns, triggers, action/reactions.
Note the time of day, the location, the weather, the moon cycle, the conditions around (anyone wearing their grumpy pants?), before a meal, the TV on with terrible stories, etc.
But not all sensory actions/reactions are what we might consider as negative:
- It could also be a squeal of delight to see their reflection in something;
- Or to start flapping or stimming in some way because they are excited to feelthe sand under their feet;
- Or they could stim because someone entered the room who was really happyand excited and they can feel that excitement (or conversely, anger).
If there has been a lot of stimulus around you or them, then take time regularly to:
- Find their “Space of Calm”
- Change what their eyes are looking at or have a moment with eyes shut
- Focus on the heart (put the hand on the chest), or cuddle something to the chest.
- Take a few slow deep breaths
- Change what other stimuli are around them
- Have some cuddle time – with a person or a cuddly toy
- Visualise or imagine someone they love or care for
- Take a few more deep breaths
Situations can change on a moment, so there is never any right or wrong. But frequent “Space of Calm” times, particularly in environments with a lot of stimuli, may just avert meltdowns.
You are welcome to write and comment any of your examples of triggers or calming methods that you use that other Mums, Dads, or carers can try.
Other tools/technique that can be used:
